Saturday, March 24, 2007

Life under a microscope?

Do you ever wonder if you're being watched? Not to be paranoid, but do you? Whether it's a neighbor who glances out their window on occasion or a clerk in a store you frequent or members of a message board online, someone's watching and paying attention.

Before I moved in December, I always went to crops on Friday nights and stopped at the same convenience store on my way home. I felt safe stopping there, and the clerk was always very friendly. One Friday I didn't go, but on the following Saturday, The Hub and I were out and about. We stopped there for a soda without even thinking. When I got to the cash register, the clerk said, "I was worried. You didn't come in last night." That made me realize how predictable I am. As a Marine wife, we're taught to never get into a routine. Always change our route home, vary times when we can, and don't EVER be predictable. We're making ourselves an easy target when we do.

It isn't just that, though. It happens online, too. Whether you realize it or not, people you knew once and have parted ways with could be frequenting the very sites you call home. But they may never let you know their identity. Or maybe they're a complete stranger to you, and you caught their eye somehow. But know that you ARE being watched.

We become too comfortable sometimes, and I've had a wake-up call again this week about this very thing. Do I sound like a paranoid freak? Yeah, maybe. But I feel like lessons keep presenting themselves until we learn them. I've been reminded once again that we're not invisible and that people do watch and keep up with us. Got it. Be more careful. *sigh*

Monday, March 12, 2007

And so it begins

*I typed this up in the wee hours this morning, but didn't get around to posting until now.*

Deployment day 2007 has arrived. The Hub has left for his third tour in Iraq. We never say goodbye, but that moment of departure never gets any easier. This time is different in a lot of ways, but the same old thing in others.

Different how?
This time Breeze is here. Not only am I dealing with my own emotions and trying to put on that strong woman face, I'm dealing with the emotions of our 15yo. She's been there for a homecoming, but never this. Watching her see him go and watching him tell her "See you in 7 months" was agony for me. *I* can do this. It sucks and I cry and I hurt and I miss him so much already that it physically hurts. But I can. Seeing two of the three people I love most in tears is so much harder than dealing with my own tears.

This time is different because his flight left from HERE. I didn't have to drive 300+ miles to see him off. I drove 5 minutes from our house. I didn't have a six hour trip home to adjust before walking into that house and seeing his things where he left them. It took me five MINUTES. That's no time for adjustment. That's why I'm sitting here staring at a computer screen at 2am when I know I have to be up in 4 hours to get Breeze off to school. That's why I'm thinking, "Okay, surf the net? Knit that hat? Finish that flip book? Work on those LOs? Or go eat that bag of chocolate in the kitchen?"

So, how's it the same old thing as before?

He's never left at a decent hour. Our "see you laters" always come in the wee hours of the morning. Other people leave at some normal time like NOON, but we've never had that priviledge.

I always drop him off, hang around for a minute, and then leave without a long drawn out scene. He has a job to do, Marines to lead, and a mission to focus on. I won't hang around and distract him from any of that. I won't have him losing his composure in front of his troops, either.

So here I sit...exhausted, emotionally drained, but nowhere near sleep.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I can't stand it anymore

I've been trying to let my hair grow out, but it's driving me absolutely nuts. I'm going this afternoon and getting my short, spiky, fun hair back. I just hope Gerald is at the salon, because I don't like for anyone else to come near me with scissors. Must call.

Oh another front, we're approaching the start of deployment #3 to Iraq. I know that this is the life we chose, and the deployment isn't my gripe. What chaps my hide is the fact that this is #3 for us, and others have been 2, 3, or even 4 times, but there are these jackasses that hide out and NEVER FREAKIN' DEPLOY. How in the name of all that is good and right can someone reach a certain rank, have spent 13-15 years in the military, and NEVER DEPLOY?? *Grrrrr* If you're gonna wear the uniform and reap the benefits that come with it, then by God, PULL YOUR WEIGHT!! Those of us who miss out on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, summer vacations, etc. over and over are tired of carrying your sorry ass.

Okay, I'm stepping off the ranting block now. I'm off to start my day.