Human nature? Fear? Or something else?
This dilemma has come up several times lately with people I know, and it continues to puzzle me. In the movie "Some Kind of Wonderful" (great movie, btw), Lea Thompson's character, Amanda Jones, speaks one little line that seems to be what so many people live by.
"I'd rather be with someone for the wrong reasons than alone for the right."
Why?? Why do so many people choose to be with someone who they know isn't right for them instead of being on their own? Why do so many teenage girls feel like they HAVE to have a boyfriend? Hell, why do so many single women of all ages feel the same way?
Do they feel like a third wheel otherwise? Do they feel like they're some kind of social reject if they're alone? Do they feel they're incomplete as a person? Or is it something deeper?
I know that there's that line of thinking that "the one" is out there somewhere. If you believe that, and you believe in fate, then don't you also believe that they will come into your life regardless? And if you're a "serial monogamist" tied to some loser, then what about when "the one" does stroll in?
There's also the line of thinking that "we need to stay together for the children". In my younger days, I tried that. IT.DOESN'T.WORK. If you're with someone because of your kids, but neither of you is happy, what environment does that create for those children? Instead of home being a peaceful sanctuary, it's tense, sad, or even hostile. Why do that to your children?
And then there's the "but he/she says he/she's sorry and will change for me". Uh, no. I'm not saying that people can't truly be sorry for their actions and change their behavior. But really, ask yourself, "Is he/she sorry for what he/she did or sorry that he/she got caught?" And they can't change FOR YOU. They have to do it FOR THEMSELVES. The only way they can truly and successfully change is if they sincerely want to be different.
There are a million other excuses. I've heard 'em all, and I still don't understand.
Before you think, "Yeah, you're happily married, what do you know?", trust me, I KNOW. I've been in an unhappy marriage. I've been divorced. I've been a single mom. I've been in the dating scene. And I've been ALONE. I wasn't out hunting for a relationship when The Hub walked into my life. As a matter of fact, I was just the opposite. I had my life and my career, and I was happy with that.